Little Fires...
Hello Friends…
As I rode my mountain bike through a forest that had fallen victim to a fire not too long ago, I was touched by the little bits of new growth all around me. In the midst of this completely charred area, tiny green shrubs and trees with healthy leaves peppered the ground. It brought tears to my eyes for a reason you might not expect.
You see, this past weekend was rough and turbulent with my daughters. Full of little fires, you might say. But at the end of the weekend, we were all able to share our truths, endure, and even repair and move on. Just like those little baby shrubs popping up after catastrophe.
And that’s really what parenting can feel like, right? Seemingly nonstop little fires with the hopes of renewed growth following right behind. And trust me, that new growth isn’t always beautiful or obvious, but it is there.
There are a million and one ways to parent well, but I think one thing is true for all of us: Regardless of your approach, parenting is a total whirlwind. Sometimes, I feel like I've really got it under control - enough so that I’m coaching other parents and writing newsletters like this one. But other days, I just want to throw the towel in and cry. Even though I shout the phrase “It’s not personal!” from the rooftops to my clients, friends and husband all the time, it’s really hard for it to not feel personal. For you to stay connected in those moments when it seems its the last thing they want from you.
For example, how do you stay connected when your kiddo just lied to you about their plans? Or snuck onto TikTok when it wasn’t allowed? How do you stay connected whey they consistently push you away and respond to everything you say with snarky words and rude faces? How do you stay connected in those very real moments when we as parents feel utterly heartbroken?
Blink twice if you can relate. We’re human. We’re parents. It's all very real.
As I dive deeper and deeper into my parent coaching, I’ve come to realize that my role is much less about actually coaching people on how to parent. Instead, I continually find my clients craving guidance on how to stay connected as they stand in these fires with their children. How can you do it?
I think the most important thing for any of us to remember is, we need to take care of ourselves. To tend to the emotions that rise up inside of us. To name what we're feeling and to move through it in a way that works for us. Cry, vent, and scream if it helps. Find an adult we trust to help hold those emotions with us, without judgement. And then we breathe. We remind ourselves that this is a major transition for our young people. It’s a long and winding road with about a million pot holes along the way. Our children will be clumsy. And messy. And we'll share our truths and invite our kids to share theirs. We’ll hold them accountable by remembering their true essences and fundamental strengths and kindnesses, and by speaking to them from that place.
And then, with every ounce of our being, we’ll let it go and commit to starting fresh tomorrow.
One simple trick I can share with you is this: Manifest the human you know they are growing into. Visualize your child as present, considerate, and thoughtful. When you see them in their strength and their light, they will live up to that.
In the meantime, you deserve a major gold medal. You’ve already survived countless little fires as a parent, and yet you still get up time and time again. I know that sometimes you have to dig awfully deep to be able to do that, but you still manage. You’re doing great.
As always, you don’t have to do it alone. Here area couple of my upcoming events to help support you in the little fires of parenting:
“Dad’s Only” 2-hour Workshop, October 17th, 6-8p. This event is filling up fast! Pass this link on to any dad you think it might serve.
“Mother + Daughter” One-Day Workshop, December 1st. Register here! You don’t want to miss this chance to spend a sweet Sunday with your daughter.
With love and respect,
Deb
